A Marriage of Body and Soul

To Love and Be Loved

Simon had been in love with Beleth for as long as he could remember, since before he learned to hate his body. Within the haze of his early memories their first meeting was crystal clear. At the time he had been a curious child, who heard strange noises coming from his father’s study on a cold and frigid night. He was told to never enter the study when the doors were closed. So he opened the door just enough to make a small crack he could see through.

There was an orb of pure radiance and pure shadow, more beautiful than anything Simon had dreamed of. The air around it shook like on a painfully hot day. The presence smelled like decay and a spring morning at the same time. Simon had never realized the aroma of decay could be so lovely. A warm wind had carried that scent to him, the sharp coldness of the night dulled thanks to it. A strange captivating song was playing, like an invisible orchestra was performing with newly invented instruments. It was the moment Simon learned what beauty truly was.

Simon’s father had been shouting at the orb, making demands that faded from memory. Another voice responded, powerful and firm. Simon closed the door quickly, but he could still hear and smell the wonderful presence. He wanted to stay, but he didn’t want to get in trouble, so he retreated back to his room, dreaming of the strange presence and when they would truly meet.

The next day, Simon found no trace of whatever had been in the study. He never doubted that what he experienced had been true. When he was old enough he was given the full truth, he came from a long line of demon summoners. The connection to that night came instantly to him, and with that a pursuit to find his beloved once more, quickly identified through research as the demon king Beleth. That was when he swore to become a summoner worthy of such a beautiful being.

All of that and more had led Simon to his current life, living alone in a small apartment in Ontia City. Rain poured down outside, becoming grimy puddles as cars and trucks shrieked up a storm with their horns. That barely registered to Simon, whose focus was absorbed by his computer monitor. The clacks of his keyboard reverberated around the room in a mechanical melody.

 Due to certain disagreements with the Association of Summoners, who had a monopoly on the material needed for demon summoning and the loyalty of his family, Simon had been forced to improvise on his quest for Beleth. So he had decided to invent a new method, taking inspiration from the world of fiction. He hadn’t bothered looking into his inspiration beyond the concept, time spent on novels or video games were better spent on working towards meeting Beleth. What mattered was that if he could make a computer program capable of summoning demons he wouldn’t need the traditional methods now closed off to him.

It helped that he had soured on the physical world in general, all the awful noises and smells constantly forced on him. He only left his apartment as needed and only as long as necessary. Anything to reduce time spent dependent on his cane.

Merely thinking about his disability frustrated Simon. That was why he preferred his apartment, where he could sometimes forget he was disabled. He didn’t need his cane to walk short distances, and it took only a few steps to walk from one end of the apartment to the other. There was little good in going out into a hideous city littered with trash and judgmental looks, trying to determine if he really did need the cane.

The one bright side of Simon’s condition was that learning to hate his body made him love Beleth even more. A being that lacked true corporeal form was free of the weaknesses of a body, there was no need for glasses or canes. In Simon’s fantasies Beleth would fix him, would liberate him either through healing or transcending his malfunctional body entirely. 

Simon double checked his code to distract himself from his body. Then he checked it a third time. It was finally time for the next attempt at summoning Beleth. He ran the program.

 Simon waited, nothing happened.  Simon waited, still nothing happened.  Simon waited, yet nothing happened. Simon slammed his desk with his fist, hunched over. 

“What was it this time! Why can’t I get it right?! Everything I’ve gone through, and I still can’t reach you. Please Great King Beleth, please, I need you. You’re the only reason I have to live.” Simon wiped away his tears, the silver ring on his left hand’s middle finger briefly pressed into his face and absorbed a tear.

Music began to play. At first Simon thought it was the usual case of some self absorbed idiot subjecting the rest of the world to their personal soundtrack at full volume, but it wasn’t irritating enough to be that. And it was familiar, an inhuman sound. A warm wind swept through the apartment, carrying the scent of flowers.

“As you have called, so have I answered. I am the Great King Beleth, of the order of Powers, master of eighty five legions, igniter of the flames of love. For what purpose have you summoned me?” Beleth’s voice came from the monitor’s speakers. It was as Simon remembered it. He pushed his chair back and slowly knelt down in reverence, trying not to reveal his physical failings.  The music quieted.

“Oh Great King Beleth, love of my life, my name is Simon, and I pledge myself to you. My sole desire is to be by your side, to worship you. To become even your slave would be a great privilege.” Simon kept his face towards the floor.

“This… is unexpected, even from a clearly unconventional summoner. Rise.” As Beleth ordered, Simon obeyed, using the desk to support his ascent. “You are quite surprising. I do not recall meeting you, yet you are clearly enamored with me. And with the skill required to carry out an unconventional ritual like this, it must have been a conscious choice to disregard all precautions for your own safety.”

“I saw you once my king, when I was a child and my father summoned you. Ever since I’ve devoted myself to finding you again. I have no intention of binding you into some exploitative contract like other summoners.” In the absence of a face, Simon looked towards the monitor, which still displayed the summoning code. 

The room became silent, it almost felt like Beleth had vanished. Then he spoke. “Now I see, so you were that child who spied from behind the door. I can sense none of my influence on you, those extreme emotions truly are your own. I am at a loss for what is proper.” The air around Simon shifted. “But I will say this, you should have been more careful. There is a middle ground between greeting a guest fully armed and greeting them naked, most summoners do the former, you did the latter. Many of my kind would have killed you.”

“As long as it’s by your power, my king, I wouldn’t mind being killed.” Simon meant it. 

“You are a deeply disturbed man then, one I pity.” The words cut deeply. “I am often invoked for matters of love, yet this mad obsession of yours perplexes me. What in that brief glimpse you had of me created such strong feelings?”

“Your beauty my king. Not just your radiant form in that summoning, but everything, the wind, the music, the aroma. You’re not chained to a body like us humans, you and your kind are something purer, something greater.” Simon kept himself from looking towards the door, where the hated cane leaned mockingly against the wall.

“What you speak of resembles a surface level obsession.”

“No! It is love! I devoted my life to you. I’ve been betrayed by my parents, outcast from the Association, but I refused to give up, just so we could truly meet. Nothing else has mattered to me.” Simon leaned forward, not caring how desperate he looked and sounded. He couldn’t be rejected by Beleth. That would be the end of his life.

“You only sound more obsessed. Yet, your feelings for me don’t appear fully distinct from love. They were powerful enough to bring me forth. Since you have devoted your life to me, I shall not reject you.” Beleth manifested as an orb of pure light and pure darkness, as he had on that night so long ago. He was like a small sun, bright and powerful, yet not blinding. “Many have called upon me to stoke the flames of love. Perhaps it is time I stoke that same flame within myself, and reciprocate your feelings.”

“Do you mean?…” Simon found himself unable to complete the sentence, but he didn’t think he needed to.

“I shall love you. Though I must warn you, my love is not the same as that of a human, and I have no intent of loving half heartedly. You will not be allowed to discard me like so many passionate loves that wilt with the seasons. And I shall not treat you as a mere servant, you shall become a Great Queen and rule at my side. Do you consent to this?”

“Yes, thank you my king! This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life!” Simon would have embraced Beleth if he had a humanoid form, he wasn’t sure if Beleth’s current form was safe to touch. “Queen? Wouldn’t something like prince consort be more fitting?”

“It is my court, the titles are mine to decide, the precedents are mine to set. Great Queen is direct. I won’t force you to dress or act as a woman, the title will conform to you, not you to it. I will however insist that as my husband you call me by my name.”

“Yes, Beleth.” Simon was careful not to use the formal address by mistake. And relieved he wouldn’t have to wear a dress or high heels.

“Now, Simon, hold out your hand. Or withhold it, if you wish to take your final chance to leave our arrangement.”

Simon reached for Beleth, touching his darkly radiant manifestation. It felt like holding his hand in front of a fireplace on a cold night, warm and soothing. Something changed, something that Simon could barely perceive.

“We are bound together now. Even if this indefinite summon comes to an end, I will find you again.” The orb of light and darkness vanished, but Beleth’s presence could still be felt. Simon sat back in his chair. There was no sound in the apartment, but it was a pleasant silence. 

Eventually the lateness of the hour caught up with Simon. He fought back a yawn and lost.

“You should rest. I’ll test the limits of this strange manifestation in the meanwhile.” Beleth turned off the monitor, but the computer remained on.

“No, I want to stay up with you longer.”

“I will still be here in the morning. And what I want is for you to be well rested rather than staying up well past midnight. On that subject, why did you choose this hour for summoning me?”

“This is when summoning magic is at its strongest, isn’t it?”

“No, that is sunrise and sunset. I see that self important Association still neglects to reassess what it thinks it knows. You’re better off without them and their outdated notions. You’ll also be better off going to sleep. This is not open to debate. Good night Simon.”

“Good night Beleth.” Simon knew there was no point in arguing, not when he was feeling another yawn rising up. He walked over to the closet and picked out a set of pajamas, then went into the bathroom to change in privacy. Part of him thought about changing by his bed like usual, but looking at himself in the mirror settled that. He saw nothing in his reflection that was pleasing to look at, nothing he wanted Beleth to see, nothing beautiful.

The cane waited for Simon on the other side of the bathroom door, as always Simon pretended not to notice it as he went to bed. He sat on the bed, put in his ear plugs, took off his glasses, put on his sleep mask, and laid down. 

Simon was happy, but he wondered why he wasn’t happier with Beleth present. Being called Beleth’s queen wasn’t entirely to his liking, but not to the point of soiling something he’d worked so hard for. There was some other unknown thing that bothered him. He tried to distract himself by focusing on the comment about summoning times, and wondering what else he had been misled about in his childhood. Then it hit him.

Beleth didn’t know that Simon was disabled, not yet. It hadn’t come up, but it was only a matter of time before that came out. Unless he made sure it never did. He didn’t want Beleth to know that he was damaged goods. To look at him and see a cripple. Yet it seemed like an impossible thing to hide. By the time he fell asleep he had no plan, only fear.

---

The obnoxious roaring of a motorcycle engine broke through Simon’s ear plugs and woke him up. He groaned and tried to return to sleep. “That rude noise aside, good morning Simon.” Beleth’s voice wasn’t coming from the monitor speakers. It was coming from the nightstand. Simon took off his sleep mask and turned to look, Beleth’s voice was coming from his phone. That realization made him fully awake.

“Good morning Beleth. How did you get on my phone?” Simon was impressed. Clearly the summoning had been less limited than he feared. Though he didn’t feel the phone was a worthy vessel for Beleth. Not that he was one to talk, since he wasn’t worthy of Beleth either.

“All of these devices reach out to one another, letting me traverse them. Though travel is not fully the correct word, as I do not need to leave one to inhabit another. This digital world you’ve opened to me to is truly fascinating, a halfway point between the physical and spiritual. Though the physical still remains out of my grasp. Put this on your pillow so we can lie together.” 

Simon gently picked up his phone from the nightstand and put it on the pillow next to him. “I didn’t know you’d be able to do this. What else can you do now?”

“The whole internet is open to me. I can even spread my power in a certain radius around the devices I possess. For now I have kept myself to your devices out of caution. This is what I meant when I spoke of your lack of precaution, others could have caused great damage to human civilization as a whole by this time.”

“If you want to take over the world that’s fine by me, I’ll help.” Simon wasn’t joking. He had fully considered the possibility his summoning of Beleth would have consequences for the rest of the world, and decided he didn’t care what happened to himself or the world.

“I do intend to bring my domain into the physical world at some point, but it doesn’t have to be by conquest, or cover the entire world. But, I wish to know what you want Simon. What else do you desire, aside from me? What shall we do together?”

“Oh I…” No answer came to mind. When he hadn’t been working, either on summoning Beleth or his day job, he had been idly browsing on various websites. That had only been so he could take a needed break from slaving away on code, and the break was only so he could recharge and be more efficient overall. His web browsing had also reminded him of how little he cared for humanity, thus further motivating him. Now that he had summoned Beleth, there was nothing left to do. “Well I really just want to do what you want.”

“I will respond that I want to do what you want to do until you break the cycle and give a proper answer.” There was a hint of teasing to Beleth’s voice. But Simon also felt like he had been put into a trap. At least it gave him a way to prolong the reveal of his disability.

“Honestly, just staying in the apartment with you. I’d be fine never leaving as long as you’re here with me. I don’t need anything else.”

“In that case, I insist you find a better residence. This is not fitting for royalty. There is hardly any room, there isn’t even a table for dining.”

“I kind of prefer living somewhere small. Makes everything easy to get to.” The last thing Simon wanted was to move to a place where he’d need a cane inside his own home, it was the reason he had chosen his current apartment. Of course to say that would be to confess to the existence of the cane.

“You hardly have anything to get to. I have already begun searching for a proper house for us, as opposed to a single room.”

“Why do you care about this so much? You don’t even have a body.”

“You do, and I have no intent of letting my husband, my queen, live with less than luxury. Besides, I seek to create a body for myself. And this will hardly fit the both of us when the time for that comes.” 

“Why would you want a body? I’ve always envied how demons don’t have one.” Simon reached over for his glasses and put them on. There was no use in hiding his need for those. In hindsight he wished he had gotten contacts so Beleth wouldn’t have to know about them. “I have to wear these because my eyes don’t work right, I can see without them, but not as well as I should. There’s so many ways a body holds you back. I’d give up mine if I could.”

“Demons envy that you have one. That’s what makes us demons, that we want to incarnate into the physical world. Look at this phone. Instead of lying in bed with you I have to resort to the equivalent of a phone call. I can use the senses of sight, hearing, and smell, but not touch and taste. Even those three require a summoner like yourself, since such senses have no use in the immaterial plane. I want to have a body of my own, one that will last. I want to lie in bed with you, to eat with you, to touch you.” A gust of wind playfully ruffled Simon’s hair.

“I see…” At first Simon didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to be that close to his horrid body. Then it occurred to him that Beleth was likely matching his devotion out of pity. That was what made the most sense to him, their union had been rather quick. “I think there’s a lot the Association wasn’t telling me.”

“Indeed. The first summoners assumed what they found conformed to what they believed and never questioned it. For example, demon and angel are not some innate difference, it’s a matter of politics amongst us spirits. I already said what demons want, while angels are those who think humanity should ‘ascend’ to the spiritual world. While I do have angel friends and allies, I disagree with that belief of theirs. I love you as you are, including that you’re a physical being, and wish for you to remain that way.”

“I’d rather live in the spiritual world than this one.” Simon regretted his words immediately, he didn’t want to keep arguing with Beleth and risk losing his pity. “I mean obviously what you want matters more so I’ll stay like that if it pleases you. But, maybe I could be a better fit for you if I become a spirit. If you allow it of course.” 

A thought had been running through Simon’s head on repeat. Someone who loved the human form like Beleth couldn’t possibly love a human with a malfunctional body. Everything would end if the ugly truth revealed itself. There had to be some way to remove every last need to leave the apartment. And to destroy that fucking cane.

“What are you so scared of?” Beleth asked. “Have I been too forceful? You sound and look as though I’ll attack you.”

“Sorry.”

“Simon, you do not need to apologize. I was the one who frightened you. I am the one asking forgiveness. And you need not give it until it is earned.”

“I was just overreacting. It’s fine.” Simon got out of bed, leaving his phone on the bed. He walked over to the kitchenette and pulled out his breakfast, an energy bar that was quickly consumed. Then he went to shower and get dressed. Doubts about his future with Beleth followed him the whole time, as did Beleth’s silence. Simon tried not to look at the mirror in the bathroom, things were bad enough without that unpleasant sight.

Out of habit, Simon walked over to his desk and woke the computer. “If you want to manifest in a proper body, I’ll get on that.” There was nothing else Simon could think of doing. And he needed to prove that he was serious about loving Beleth, which meant putting Beleth’s wants before his own. Even if he loathed the idea of Beleth in physical form.

“You don’t need to start immediately.” Beleth’s voice was coming through the monitor speakers now. “Today should be one of rest and getting to understand each other. I don’t want to make you panic again, and if I understand you better I can make sure I won’t.”

“We can just talk while I work. I skipped over the parts of the normal ritual about creating a corporeal form so I can cover the basics pretty quickly.” Simon pulled up a copy of his summoning code and began adding to it.

“I would rather we focus on each other. I want to know what else you do, what brings you happiness.”

“Working for you makes me happy.”

“What if there’s nothing left for you to do? When I manifest with a body of my own and my earthly kingdom is established, what will bring you joy then?”

Simon stopped. He had never thought past the moment Beleth would appear. There were so many possibilities he hadn’t dared get attached to any one in particular. “Uhh, what would you want me to like?” Simon had been speaking solely to fill the silence, but he realized his words only made it sound worse.

“Enough. I wanted to hold myself back after I scared you, but clearly this relationship does require a firmer hand on my part. Not in a way that makes me angry at you of course, this is out of concern, you haven’t done anything wrong. But also, I am now forbidding you from working for the rest of the day.” The keyboard stopped responding to Simon’s inputs. A new window on the computer opened with a map of the city. “We are going to the park.”

“I’d rather not.” Alarms rang in Simon’s mind. He was on the verge of disaster. If he didn’t play his cards correctly then everything would come undone. 

“At least you’re showing some backbone now, but on this of all things? I can’t go outside without you. And I want to see the city, not just through cameras and pictures, the actual sights. Confining yourself here confines me too.” The computer showed a slideshow of pictures from around the city.

“I- I’m not comfortable going outside.” Simon turned away from the computer. He looked down to avoid looking at the hated item by the door. A calming scent descended from the air.

“I’m sorry. Are you willing to tell me why?”

“I don’t want to.”

“We will need to address this at some point. I will make you comfortable going outside. But it doesn’t need to be settled today. However, I still forbid you from working. Thankfully computers have much more to them. Let’s start by seeing what’s in your search history, because I doubt you’re completely without other interests.”

It took Simon too long to realize what would be included in the search history. Before he could protest, pornographic art that he had looked at before displayed on the monitor. It showed a man being overwhelmed with physical pleasure by a ghostly presence. The embarrassment overshadowed the fear that came with Beleth not truly giving up on wanting Simon to go outside.

“See, you do some pleasure reading and viewing of art. Perhaps we should browse together?”

“Beleth, that’s porn.” Simon looked away. 

“I am aware. If I’m to be a good husband once I incarnate I should know what pleases you. Sex is one of the many things I look forward to when I get a body, and I want to prepare for it like the rest. Though unlike those it’d depend on your willingness of course.” 

“I’m willing. To have sex when you gain a physical form I mean. I’d uh, I don’t want to look at porn together.”

Beleth closed the art. “Perhaps some more chaste entertainment then. What if I read to you? A fairy tale perhaps?”

“Which one?” Compared to everything prior, fairy tales sounded like a relief to Simon. He could just listen without his own failings being exposed. It’d be difficult for even him to screw up being read to.

“Beauty and the Beast, if there isn’t another you’d prefer.”

Simon consented to the tale, and followed Beleth’s instruction to lie back in his chair and close his eyes. Music began to play, not from the speakers, but from the air itself. The fragrance of roses enveloped him. Beleth read the story with the skill of a professional and warmth of a family member, giving each character their own voice. It felt like Simon was in the story, like he escaped reality. With his eyes closed the world consisted only of what Beleth spoke into being. Then the story ended, and reality returned. A long cozy silence followed the end. 

The silence was eventually broken by Simon’s hunger. He rose from his chair and went to make himself a sandwich, trying to ignore that it looked like he’d have to go out for a grocery run sooner than later. Beleth made a comment about it however, Simon tried to ignore the comment. “What else do you want to do? I’d love to listen to you read more stories.”

“I’d like to find something you can do on your own. I’m aware humans need some time to themselves.”

“Wait, do demons- I mean spirits, not?” Simon was okay with Beleth monopolizing his time, but he was aware saying that might make Beleth more concerned. And he wanted to learn more about Beleth.

“We don’t. Us spirits generally have a weaker sense of self than humans, though we are still all distinct individuals. But with no bodies to divide us, thoughts and feelings are shared more directly. I was able to gain authority over many other spirits simply through possessing a strong will.” Beleth paused, then after a few seconds resumed. “For someone like me, loving someone involves a blending of the selves, which leads to a degree of control that humans would deem unacceptable. I have had to refrain myself from what you would consider a violation of privacy, like reading your emails, because to me it feels unnervingly unnatural not to already know.”

“You know looking at someone’s search history is kind of invading their privacy.”

“I must once again beg your forgiveness then. From my perspective within the digital world it hardly seemed concealed, so I incorrectly thought it was acceptable for me to look at. This is why I want us to speak more like this, to avoid a continuous string of such incidents.”

“No it’s fine. I mean I summoned you on the computer so I should have seen this coming.” Simon pushed himself back into his chair, which made it roll a small distance backwards.

“Is it? Simon, if we did things my way with no regard to your own values, you wouldn’t be able to withhold whatever it is you’re not telling me. Not even your dreams or memories would be completely private. Amongst spirits such things take effort to hide, so it is only hidden from rivals and enemies, a secret is a sign of hostility. But of course you are a human, and I know for humans secrets and privacy are maintained even in the most intimate relationships. I want to respect that difference.”

Simon took his time responding, not wanting another instance of thoughtlessly speaking. His disability came to mind immediately as something he wanted to keep from Beleth at all costs. At first he felt he would be fine sharing even all his memories if it weren’t for his legs, until he recalled the embarrassing ones and thought of how Beleth might feel knowing of the many different ways Simon had fantasized about their meeting. “I guess there are things I’d rather keep to myself.”

“See, we are different kinds of beings, that can’t be ignored.” For a moment Simon thought he heard a tinge of disappointment in Beleth’s voice, but he was aware that was the sort of thing he’d imagine and dismissed it, since Beleth had been proven right. “That is why we need to make an effort to understand one another. There’s much about you I still don’t know. How is your relationship with your family?”

“I don’t want to talk about them. I’ve cut off my family so they don’t matter.” Simon gripped the armrest of his chair. “I’d rather talk more about the difference between spirits and humans. Is there anything about humans you want to know?”

“Other summoners and the internet have settled the questions I know to ask.” Silence came between Beleth and Simon, this one felt unpleasant. “Why don’t we try playing some games together on this computer. Chess perhaps? It is a game of kings and queens after all.”

“I don’t know how to play.”

“I will teach you then.” 

From that point on the rest of the day was filled with play. It took many games, but Simon was eventually able to score a few wins in chess through unexpected moves. After that they cooperated in Sudoku, Solitaire, and a variety of logic puzzles. Simon took a short break for a simple dinner, then was eager to return to the puzzles. He forgot all about his fears when puzzling with Beleth. 

When Beleth called an end to the puzzling for the night Simon felt contented. He hardly noticed the cane or his own reflection as he got ready for bed. “Simon-” Beleth stopped himself, Simon had just reached for the ear plugs.

“What is it?”

“I’ve reconsidered what I was going to say. Good night my love.”

“Good night.” The apartment was deathly silent as Simon went to sleep.

---

Simon woke up without any interruption. He took off his sleep mask, put on his glasses, took out his ear plugs, and listened to the pouring rain. “Good morning Simon.”

“Good morning Beleth.” Simon went through his usual morning routine. The cane stared at him mockingly as he stepped out of the bathroom, like the audience of an execution. Grabbing breakfast offered little distraction, since the practically empty fridge made the point apparent. The bar was gone quickly, the observation remained.

“Simon, you’ve certainly noticed, but it appears you’ll need to go outside to get more food. Is there anything I can do so you’ll feel more comfortable? If you put your phone in your pocket I’ll be able to accompany you, if you put on your headphones it can be like we’re having a phone call.”

“I think I’d prefer if you didn’t look when I leave the apartment, at me or the door. I’ll be quick.” Simon was relieved he had thought of a way out. 

Then he realized something was wrong. The air was beginning to quiver. And it felt as though glares were coming at him from a thousand directions, like the assault of an army. The computer’s cooling fan began to spin rapidly. Discordant notes rang out from all corners of the apartment. Then the sensation faded, all was quiet for a few moments.

“Simon, I am only prying because I want to understand and love you better. Remember that as I ask my question. Does this have anything to do with your cane?”

The words ‘he noticed’ sounded in Simon’s mind like a fire alarm, like gunshots, like bombs. He clenched his fists. “You noticed.”

“Of course, I can see everything in this apartment. And you always reach for something to support yourself when raising or lowering yourself. I hope you weren’t putting yourself in pain just to hide your need for it from me.” There was a bitter taste to Beleth’s words.

Simon forced himself to look back towards the computer, where Beleth’s voice was coming from. Yet in his mind he could clearly see the cane. “I only need it for longer distances, I can go a few steps without it. But if I go anywhere outside of this apartment I’ll need it. That’s why I liked spending the whole day inside the apartment yesterday. When we did all those puzzles together, I forgot that I was disabled, that my body is malfunctional.”

“You aren’t malfunctional.” Beleth’s voice took on a softer tone, from a roaring gale to a light breeze. 

“I need help to see and to walk more than a few steps at a time. My body doesn’t work as it should, that’s the very definition of malfunctional.” Simon fiddled with his glasses, then pushed them in to make sure they didn’t become loose.

“Perhaps it may fit the definition by the letter, but that is a word for machines. And you are no machine. Just because your body is weaker than other humans doesn’t mean you are lesser. Canes and other such devices have long been part of human history.” Beleth waited for a response, then continued in the absence of one. “I don’t want you to forget that you have a body. I don’t want you to despise and divide yourself.”

No words came to Simon. Beleth did not disrupt the silence. An idea occurred to Simon. But then he chose not to say it. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” Simon didn’t actually feel any different, but he knew it’d be rude to reject Beleth’s pity when that was all that connected them. Still, it was impossible for Simon to imagine a future where he didn’t despise his body.

“If my words reach you, that is all the thanks I require. Now, shall we go outside together?” Things didn’t feel resolved, but it was difficult to picture how the conversation could go any further.

Simon picked up his phone and put it in his pocket, then put on his wireless headphones and made sure it was connected to the phone. After the raincoat and shoes came the worst part. Hesitantly, Simon reached for the handle of his cane, like it was within a raging fire. Then he took it into his hand and opened the door.

Ontia City was as dirty as it usually was, especially in the rain. Cars carelessly drove by and assaulted the sidewalks with large splashes of dirty water. The litter’s disgusting aura was amplified with the addition of moisture. Water pooled in the many cracks and gaps of the sidewalk. Some parts of the sidewalk had been shoved into an unpleasant angle by the nearby trees, which stood isolated on the sidewalk like lonely neglected towers. “Are you disappointed?” Simon asked.

“No. I like the sound of the rain, and finally being outside that tiny apartment. Though this is not the most pleasant environment. Of course I plan to have us live in a palace eventually, one in a nice location with plenty worth admiring.”

“A palace?”

“It may only be in the world of spirits for now, but we are royalty. Our residence within the material world should reflect that. And obviously it will be constructed with your needs in mind. Though I am aware that is far into the future from now. You will have to work tomorrow, correct?”

A groan answered Beleth’s question. “I nearly forgot. And right, I didn’t even tell you about it. I work remotely for this cybersecurity firm. It’s boring, slow, and pays well, so it was perfect for working on summoning you. I wrote a lot of the summoning code on company time.” In hindsight, Simon was grateful there hadn’t been any emergencies to disrupt his time with Beleth so far.

“That has me pondering something. I wonder if I could act as a human through the internet? It seems there are many things one can do in this era that don’t require a physical presence. I could support you that way, and task my legions to do so as well once we have them summoned.”

“Wait you want me to summon them too?” Simon became keenly aware of his words as he stepped into the brightly lit and crowded grocery store. He hadn’t followed the weather news, but he knew a pre-storm shopping rush when he saw one. Which meant that he was in for a lengthy wait to check out.

“Not all at once. But, if we refine your code, I believe it would be possible. Less powerful spirits are much easier to summon in the first place. First we would call forth my vizier, then my legion of Powers.”

“Powers?”

“Fellow members of the Order of Powers who swore allegiance to me. It is an angelic order that seeks to nurture spiritual power in humans and protect them. They are the most willing and suited for this sort of digital summoning.” The screaming of a child cut through Simon’s headphones. Beleth waited for a better moment before continuing. “Of course, we’re getting distracted. What do you think of me working as a human over the internet?”

“Don’t you think working is beneath you?” Simon wondered what the people around him would make of that sentence.

“I’m aware that my authority only exists in the spiritual world. To expand my domain to the material world requires material resources. So I will pose as a human to gather them for as long as needed.”

“You don’t need to do that. I’ll get the others to pitch in.” Simon hoped his vague choice of words only hid the meaning from strangers in the crowd.

“I nearly forgot that most humans are unaware of my kind’s existence. Part of my plan will involve changing that, but that is for later. For now, I’d like to work as a human, see how well I can act as one in this digital form. It will be good practice for when I manifest.”

“If it’s what you want I guess it’s okay.” Simon grabbed the last of the groceries he needed. Though he wouldn’t have been surprised if he forgot something with how his mind was racing. Imagining a beautiful regal spirit like Beleth working some mundane job and taking a physical form filled Simon with guilt. He was tainting the most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed. 

“Aren’t you going to get some fruits or vegetables?” Beleth asked.

“I don’t like having fruit around because then I have to throw it out if I don’t get to it soon enough, and it felt like I never did.”

“At least get some grapes.”

Wordlessly, Simon conceded and placed a container of grapes in his shopping cart. Part of him wondered what exactly he was doing. How many queens did their own grocery shopping? The title still felt ill-fitting. He also didn’t like the idea of living in a palace, which would naturally be big enough to make him use his cane.

Nothing exciting happened while Simon was waiting in line to pay. He had some idle normal conversations with Beleth, about places to go in the city and games to play together. Beleth talked about his admiration of cats, how they lived with humans yet still kept their own boundaries and forms of love. Those conversations made the line pass by more easily. Yet dark clouds still hung over it with seemingly endless rain on the other side of the window.

The walk back to the apartment was similarly gloomy and uneventful. Simon let out a breath of relief when he was back into his own domain. It only took a short time to sort the groceries and hide the cane back by the door. Then he returned to his chair in front of the computer and monitor.

“So, do you want me to work on getting you a body or summoning the other guys?”

“Summoning my subjects will make it easier to work on my materialization. And while you work on that, I will look into my own ways to support you.” While he still didn’t like the idea of Beleth working, Simon was relieved to be back to work himself. That was when he felt most useful, like he had a place in the world.

Time passed even as Simon and the rain remained unchanged from the afternoon to the evening. Simon took short breaks for meals at Beleth’s insistence, the rain did not. Then the storm began with a clap of thunder and intensified downpour. As Simon briefly rose up to stretch his nominally functional legs, Beleth rose his voice.

“Simon, there is something I must ask you. I’ve been meaning to ask it for some time now, but I needed to collect myself. Why did you try to hide your disability from me?” Beleth’s voice was far too calm to be a reflection of his true mood. Simon fell back into his chair, which rolled away from the computer.

“I, I didn’t want it to be how you knew me. Like, you know what you were saying about working over the internet? On the internet nobody knows I’m disabled, and that’s how I like it, it’s what I wanted things with you to be like. I mean I know it sounds stupid, but I never really thought about what to do when I’d summoned you. I didn’t think about the fact that you’d have to see me for how ugly I am, that the only reason you’d stick around would be out of pity.”

“What.” Beleth’s voice remained level and measured, even as the computer’s fan spun rapidly. Faint drumbeats bounced around the apartment. “I don’t know where to begin with that. But allow me to start with what offends me most. No, actually it isn’t the most offensive, but it is highly insulting. What do you mean I’m only here out of pity?”

“Well I mean, you made that marriage offer really quickly, and you’ve been making such a show of affection even though you didn’t know me before. Why else would you do that?”

“Simon. I told you I made the decision to love you. All that I have explained on the nature of spirits, while you’ve hardly offered any knowledge of yourself in return, and clearly I neglected what needed to be drilled through your thick skull the most. Emotions are much simpler for us spirits, that’s why we can manipulate them in humans. I choose to love you, so I began to love you, it as simple as that. Making people fall in love is one of my most invoked powers. And you accuse me of faking it.” A rotten stench hang in the air.

“I’m sorry.” Simon shrank back submissively into his chair.

“You don’t even understand the full extent and reason for my anger. Simon, this is not about you being disabled. This is about you lying to me. You concealed a major part of yourself from me, and the fact that it was due to you doubting my love only makes it worse. I have done my utmost to be a good lover, but you have done nothing. I have freely offered knowledge of myself while you refuse to reveal almost anything of yourself. Your love was powerful enough to fuel my summoning, yet you have put no effort into our relationship, requiring my push at every step.”

It was impossible for Simon to speak. Physically he was capable of making sounds and words. But he felt paralyzed. Everything Beleth said had been true. Nothing they had done together had been Simon’s idea. And he had made a point of deceiving Beleth.

“You didn’t even realize, did you? Simon, I am not speaking metaphorically. Your love for me was one of the components of the summoning ritual. That is why even though you sounded like someone who only had a mere obsession, I felt there had to be something more if it was that powerful. Yet you have done little to demonstrate that.”

At last words came to Simon, the idea he had come up with earlier. “I’ll give you my body. You can have it all to yourself. This is the best use of my life.”

Outside the storm raged on. Inside silence flooded the room, drowning out anything else. Then Beleth dispelled it. “Simon. If I had a body of my own in this exact instant, I would pick you up, gently lay you on your bed, resting your head on a pillow, and spank you until you swear never to say anything like that ever again.”

“What?” Simon hardly noticed that he had blushed a little at the mental image. 

“There is no way you don’t know precisely what happens to a human body possessed by a spirit. I would have at most a few months before you combust. I am not sacrificing you for a mere two months of having a body. We will find a way for me to manifest that does not require any sacrifice. And even if we don’t, I’d rather stay by your side as a spirit than incarnate into a world without you.”

“But, you’re so mad at me, I did everything wrong.”

“I am angry at you because I want to address this now instead of letting it fester. Because you clearly have no experience with a reciprocal relationship. I pity that, I pity that you place so little value on your own life. That does not contradict my love. What I want is a real relationship with you, to not be kept at a distance. I’m not abandoning you.”

“Maybe you should.” The words came out before Simon realized they were how he felt. “I mean, you’re a beautiful spirit, I’m an ugly human, it doesn’t make sense for us to be together. I don’t want to see you tainted by the human world with some kind of ordinary job and a body. You’re better off without me, and that’s love right? Wanting what’s best for someone.”

“That is why I can’t abandon you. Your hatred for yourself and the world, I can’t let those remain unchallenged. Even if you don’t love yourself, I do.”

“Nobody can love me!”

Lightning struck outside. A flash of light filled the room. Then everything turned off. Both the lights and the computer. The implication struck Simon immediately. He called out for Beleth and received no answer. There was no wind, no aroma, no music. Simon was alone.

Simon tried to make a step towards the computer, but tripped and fell. His glasses slid off his face and into the darkness. The world around him was nothing more than a dark empty void. He tried to reach around for his glasses, but they had gone beyond his reach. Instead of crawling like a rat, he chose to collapse onto the floor completely, like a worm. He sobbed, even that sound was swallowed by the storm outside. All that was left was to decompose.

Time passed with no change. Then, light filled the room. Someone placed Simon’s glasses back on his face and lifted his head up. A radiant orb hovered in the air, like an elegant chandelier. 

In front of Simon was a naked man, tall and hefty. He had a set of wings, one covered in feathers that formed a rainbow gradient, the other dark and leathery like a bat’s. A thick feline tail trailed behind him. Two arched white horns rose from his head, at the tip they stretched out to form a halo over his head. He was beautiful. “Beleth?”

“I told you. I would find you again if we were separated.” Beleth pulled Simon into a tight embrace. His wings formed a cocoon around Simon. “This body will only last a short while, let me hold you while it lasts.”

“But, why would you-” 

Beleth kissed Simon. Within Simon’s mind, something began to awaken. He felt Beleth’s emotions, the genuine love for him, the anger over being kept away, the full spectrum. “Just let me love you. I don’t care how unlovable you think you are, I will love you until you become lovable.” 

Beleth lifted Simon up, holding him bridal style. He panicked at first, but pressing himself into Beleth calmed him down. Then Beleth gently lowered him onto the bed and removed his clothes. He felt embarrassed about being so exposed. 

“To me you are beautiful. All of you.” Beleth bent down and kissed the inner side of Simon’s right thigh, then the left. 

The light began to dim. With swift yet careful steps Beleth moved to the kitchenette, the tip of his tail hovering just over the floor. He returned with a grape in hand, which he placed into Simon’s mouth. Simon bit into it, savoring the juice and texture Beleth had brought him before swallowing. At last Beleth lay down on the bed next to Simon. He lay on one side, his wings stretched out straight behind him, and his arms wrapped around Simon, who turned to face him.

“Good night Beleth.” After a moment of hesitation, Simon decided to say more. “I still don’t really like my body. But now I believe that you love me, that somehow you think I’m beautiful.”

“Then it truly is a good night.” The orb of light vanished, shrouding both of them in darkness. Simon lightly pressed his head into Beleth’s chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do anything. But I’m not going to just be passive from now on, I promise. Maybe we can go to the aquarium sometime?” Simon lightly pressed his head into Beleth’s chest.

“That would be lovely. I’m fine being the one who mainly takes the lead in this relationship, but you have to follow, not be dragged along. Yet you don’t need to change completely this instant, I know it takes humans time to change.” Beleth moved one of his hands up Simon’s back until it reached Simon’s hair.

“I wish I could. I’ve always wished that when we met you could just fix everything broken about me. I still do.”

“Stop talking about yourself like you’re a machine.” Beleth lifted his other hand and slapped Simon’s ass. Then he caressed the spot he hit. Simon didn’t have any complaints. “When we kissed I felt some of your memories. Even though they were unpleasant, except for when you first saw me, it made me happy to know more of you.”

The choice of words Beleth made intrigued Simon, that he ‘felt’ the memories, but Simon was no longer in a mood for explanations. “I’ll share everything digital with you then, like my email. No secrets there, it’s all for you too. I have the physical world for privacy. And I want to meet you halfway. I don’t want love like a human’s, I want the love of a demon king.”

“Thank you.” A strange look came across on Beleth’s face. He tilted his head down and kissed Simon on the forehead. Then his body was gone. Only empty air and bedsheets surrounded Simon. A powerful wind brushed past Simon to make it clear Beleth was still present. Simon felt around in the darkness and placed his glasses on the nightstand. The spiritual power that had briefly awakened, that had let him feel Beleth’s emotions, became dormant once more. Yet the memory of it was clear.

“I miss being in your arms already.”

“Unfortunately I won’t be able to manifest like that again for some time. But it has made me consider something. Our relationship might be the key to making it last. Perhaps to truly manifest, what we need is for our relationship to mature, to grow deeper as it can only with time. Even if it isn’t, that is what I want for its own sake.”

“I want that too.” Simon slid himself under the bedsheets.

A lullaby drifted into the apartment. Beleth was singing in a language Simon didn’t understand, yet it was beautiful all the same. The lullaby tenderly wrapped around Simon. He fell asleep in Beleth’s lyrical embrace, eagerly awaiting another day; not for making progress towards a goal, but for its own sake. Beleth loved him, loved his body, and that was enough.

The End

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